Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
My son and I were walking the dogs yesterday, having a discussion wherein he became pretty negative about an issue, and this negativity distorted the truth of the matter. So, we backed up, took each negative assertion and tested it logically, since for once I thought I'd try developing a teachable moment rather than nagging, "whyyyy are you so negatiiiiive?" since I wanted him to see the faulty logic in his thinking.
As we spoke, he told me, "I'm a natural pessimist, Mom."
Hm..."You may have natural tendencies towards that, sure, Son, but I don't think God makes naturally pessimistic people. I think pessimism is learned. In the same way, I think optimism is learned. And you are so smart, I think you can learn to be optimistic. In fact, that's a summer goal we can both work on. When you say something that's outright negative, for no logical reason, I'm going to say, 'turnaround'. That means, I want you to find something to be grateful for in that situation. For example, this morning, I was complaining at having to clean up the kitchen yet again. Then I caught myself, apologized to the Lord for my attitude, and quickly offered a prayer of thanks for food. You can do this too, why don't you try..."
"Okay...like...I hate it when Drama Girl bugs me all the time--I could say, I like that she cares about me?"
"Exactly. Or, that even though she bugs you, she's good company at times, and you keep each other from getting scared when you're alone, etc."
"Okay."
"Try another."
"You mean like I hate going to Tae Kwon Do, but...but...hm...I'm grateful for some fitness?"
"Yes! I know what you mean. I am NOT a natural exerciser, and sometimes, when I'm doing a training walk, or going to the gym, I simply have to be grateful for my legs. Grateful for my healthy body that CAN walk. So, are you ready? Can we work together on 'turnaround' language? I want you to catch me, too. "
"Okay. When we get home, can I play computer?"
"No, honey. You need to do blah, blah, blah."
"Turnaround!"
"No! That is NOT how this works! (me laughing...) I still get to be your mother and tell you what to do. We're talking about negative things..."
See, it works. Pleasant words are a honeycomb. Even if you do get a bit sticky at times. :)
8 comments:
Okay...I'm puttin' that verse on my fridge rightthisveryminute!. Excellent post!
Go GET those teachable moments!!! Great verse and, of course - so true.
I do have to say that I think God does make some people naturally skeptical and sometimes we can turn that into negativity. And I agree that we can train our brains(and then our hearts) to see and react to things differently. And praise God for that possibility!!!
I was just talking to a very godly friend of mine who can be so impossibly pessimistic. we got to chat about how God created her to see the problems in the world- we need people who can do that, the Jeremiahs of this world- but they need to be used for His glory, not to paralyze us. Satan wants to take that really cool trait and make it into something that pulls us away from God.
I love that you are working with your boy now, before it's something he looks back upon as a life-long struggle.
Yeah, I can believe that God makes natural skeptics, and I think that's a good thing--after all, I'm so opposite, and that can be dangerous. When you're teetering on the edge of depression, though, as I think my son is, and as I certainly have in the past, it's important to accentuate the positive as much as possible. Hey, that should be a song...wait... :)
M'kay, your son has already got me by leaps and bounds in the maturity department. Dang! And even worse, ppl who are chronically positive only make me want to douse them with lighter fluid!!! No, really, I admit I am negative at times when others aren't. Kudos to him for being open-minded to your godly instruction! (And I like the way he turned it back around, too, hehe...) :)
What a great moment between you and your son. I am going to copy Meredith and write this down on a note card!
So when I am negative about cleaning up after my kids for the 5th or 10th time in a day - I will have a 'turnabout' and be thankful that my children are healthy and able to make such mess and remind myself that I need to enjoy these years while they are small.
How did I do?
Beautiful Gretchen...thanks for sharing this golden opportunity with your son.... I loved it!
I've really enjoyed this verse of the day..thanks for doing it.
Hugs,
Julie
Excellent post, Gretchen.
What great insight! You did a FAB job in dealing with that very teachable moment, too. It reminded me of Deut. 6:4-9...You done good, mom!
And might I just add that I find it admirable how well you manage to parent your children in spiritual things without help in that department?!
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