Oh, Goody: Waiting and Patience

Wait...that was sarcasm.  Contrary to the hero I play on TV, my real self stinks at waiting and patience. If I'm honest, I think it stinketh that one (waiting) begets the other (patience).  And, since I'm on a real roll with being honest, I'll also tell you that even though I know that waiting on God and patience are truly fruit of the Spirit, it takes everything I have to stop, drop, and roll pray my way out of doing God's job for Him.

This is my oblique way of saying to my 8 readers that something's been on my mind, and I haven't posted recently because I've let it consume me. I'm not ready to share it yet (sorry), so I thought I'd just attempt to get over myself and live life while waiting, truly waiting--palms up, heart open--to however God leads.  And often, my mind will tell me that I'm fine with this course of action--the RIGHT action.  It's just...my heart seems to be on a bit of a delayed cycle with the whole, "I trust you no matter what, God." process.

Have you ever felt consumed by a thought/worry/dream/question that you wanted God to answer?  And don't you feel even a little more "entitled" to Him for a quick answer if you're pretty certain that He's the one who laid it on your heart, anyway?  Just me?

But here's what I'm learning...or RE-learning, rather:

• God's plan is perfect. 
• Unlike me, who tends to perseverate (one of my favorite words from speech therapy days--except when it's about me), ruminate, and cogitate over things, God is omniscent and omnipotent.  His thinking is BIG.  Mine is little.  The Creator of the universe can truly see beyond the next few moments, years, millenia of my life.  It's covered.
• There's a lot to do in my life which is very distracting when i'm trying to worry/obsess over something. Laundry and cooking just won't wait forever. ;)
• There's a God who loves me and wants to bless me in this waiting if I'll only allow it.
• Blessings like:
• Laughter and silliness with a pre-teen daughter who still shares e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. with me.  May she always do so.
• Seeing the triumph and joy in my son's face as he brings home three certificates of excellence in his classes.  School has not always been easy, not always been safe, not always been good.  It's good now.
• Talking to my dad on the phone and sharing a laugh--hearing that he's really in a good place right now.  Happy, even.
• Reading a great book. 
• Watching my husband leap out of our minivan to save an oblivious, but determined mama duck as she led her 8 ducklings across a busy road.
• Peace.

Abba, forgive me for my little thinking, my impatience, and my lack of trust:  my little faith.  I'm sorry for ever doubting Your perfect will and plan for my life.  Please help me to re-adjust my sails as I turn this boat around to follow You.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:31

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

Is it a rant? What say ye?

So, I'm in a bit of a mental/emotional conundrum, and want to know what you think.  Our family participated in my hubby's corporate community service day, last week. For the third year in about 10 of us in total went to a local mental health care center and spend the day doing whatever we're asked to do--usually deep cleaning, painting, and/or yard work.  In the past, we've worked at a different building within the program, but last Saturday, we cleaned out the main intake facility--the place for therapies and meals for those first entering the program.  Each year, we hear the same spiel about how wonderful volunteers are, and how the facility gets its funding, etc.  Also, we each receive a t-shirt (from Big's business, not the facility) to wear as we clean.  There are before, during, and after pictures.  The best picture might even be on the publicity CD for the company and/or a screen saver for the company to use.  We might as well say, "Look at us! See how we're cleaning for our fellow human beings! Don't you want to work for this great company which has a day of community service?!!!"  In fact, Big even told me (he's sold out to volunteer, himself) that the CEO of the entire corporation mentioned during a recent board meeting that everyone at the senior management needed to make an appearance at the mandatory volunteer day.  Tee hee.  Not really mandatory. 

Sure it was.

The biggest part of me wants to do the right thing for doing the right thing.  As a follower of Jesus, I know it's my job to do for others--in that way showing His love for them.  BUT...this type of thing honestly sort of gags me. 

I don't like it that we have matching t-shirts.  I keep thinking of all the $ that could've been pumped into each facility if every volunteer--nationwide--didn't have a t-shirt. 

I don't like it that it's just one day.  It feels like a show.  A PR event.  An expectation, not service given from the heart.  Smile, as you dump out a vat of rancid Hamburger Helper!

And if I'm being really, really 100% honest...I don't like working at the facility.  This shames me the most of anything I have written.  Up until this year, organization and the "telling us what to do" part has been so weak that we end up wasting a bunch of time standing around--which helps no one.  It is getting better, though.  And I don't mind the work--just the opposite--if I'm called to volunteer for a day, I WANT to work.  I just like to know my objective and have the proper tools to complete that work.  Even if I need to buy, or (in our case) drive home and get working tools, it's worth it.  What isn't worth it is looking around at others and wondering what to do and who should take a lead. 

So, much of my time was spent, doing my best to clean, and praying to God for a new attitude.  Regardless of the negatives (in my mind), the facility was sparkling when we left, and I have to hope that this blesses someone.  I really do.

What say ye?  Do you think that corporate (or other) volunteerism should be "coerced" and/or publicized?  Do you feel like that adds a team, kum bay ya effect?  Maybe I'm missing something.  I was always under the impression that God wanted us to do what we do quietly, not letting the left hand know what the right was doing...

I'm truly not trying to be self-righteous.  Yet, I fear that's how I'm coming off...