Our assignment this week was to choose one of the following:
- Describe a time when you've had to rely on faith rather than on your own understanding
- Tell of a time when you found yourself struggling with paying attention to the Word...What did you do to get back on track?
- Be bold! Take the time to outline exactly what you believe about God on your blog or social media page today.
I have 3 specific situations which are coming loudly to mind right now re: living in faith rather than upon my own understanding. But as I know that you have other activities in your life besides reading Gretchen's blog, I am now editing it down to one. Perhaps the others will come up again later. But as I type, God is assuring me that this is the story which needs telling...
Wha I'm learning is that trusting in Him and His ways is not easy, but it's really my only choice if I want to keep the anxiety demons away and the pride demons at bay.
Many of you know that i am part of an unequally yoked marriage. I cannot tell you the tears of anger, frustration, and selfishness that I've cried over this. Surely over the last (nearly) 20 years, buckets have been filled. I have railed upon my husband and upon God until I am just spent. I've questioned, coerced, cajoled, ignored, been passive-aggressive, and martyred my way through wishing, hoping, and begging so that my husband would go to church. Big picture? Godly enough, at least on the surface...I want him to have a saving knowledge of Jesus, so that his life in eternity is secured, and so that he would take the reigns of godly leadership over in this family. As I dig deeper, though, this is more what you might see, if I'm being honest. This picture is more human. Selfish. Full of sin. Let's see...I want him to come to church so I'm not alone there. I want him to believe as I do, so that the children have a consistent upbringing. I want him to go to church, so that he realizes THAT IT IS NOT A PICNIC getting two kids where they need to be, ON TIME. I want him to open up this gift with me. The precious gift of faith. I want him to want this as much as I do.
Guess what?
It's not happening the way I had envisioned. I go to church alone. I sit alone, or with girlfriends. I worship together in a body, but apart from my husband. I go to worship team alone, choir alone, Bible study alone, and I pray alone. I am deeply, gratefully rooted in the body of believers at my church. But I am also largely alone.
God, in His never ceasing mercy has led me to friends, some of whom happen to be pastors, and I've even had the opportunity to sit down with them to discuss my unequal yokedom. And do you know what? Without fail, they lead me to the Word. They lead me to trust in Him. They lead me to pray for my husband. They lead me to submit to my husband. They lead me to love him where he is and with God's eyes. And I can do this because of Jesus. Because of His strength, I can be merciful. Because of His suffering, I can be long-suffering. Because of His grace, I can be gracious. Because of His forgiveness, I can forgive. Because of His timing, I can be patient. Because He never leaves, nor forsakes me, I am never alone.
So...how's our marriage? Well, because of faith...we are happily married. I no longer cajole or press. I do invite. I share what i learn. I listen. I hope. I give thanks because I see seeds of faith in my husband. I see many seeking behaviors which tell me that he may be close to accepting Jesus without reservation or hesitation. Then again, maybe he's not as "close" as I think--at least right now. I am prepared for that. I don't like it. I often have to repent of my worries where he is concerned, because I do want him to have this. I DO. After all--what is the Great Commission about if not to gather more believers to the saving grace of Jesus?
But I'm standing on faith--somedays, it's firmly, while on others, hanging on only by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin, or by my fingernails. God is gentle and faithful throughout this journey. And ever so patient...with me.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold othat for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God ha called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)
Soli Deo Gloria!
17 comments:
I love your honesty, and I love how God has blessed your marriage because of your faithfulness to lay it all down at His feet.
Goodness gracious gretchen.
This post!
What an amazing honor it is to see what God is doing in your life with your husband and even more in you. The faith that is required! The absolute faith that it takes despite the 'evidence' in front of you that it will 'never' happen is a precious gift from God- not just for you (though I'm so glad you have it) but for those of us who are hoping ourselves for 'impossible' conversions and are patiently waiting for seemingly unanswered prayers.
That you share this is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Glory to God indeed.
Mine was a fifteen year wait, feeling all those same things you're feeling. On my list was wanting to wear a Christian T-Shirt! He's been saved 12 years now and sometimes I look at him, serving communion or ushering at church and am absolutely amazed at God's goodness for saving Him.
Precious friend,
I love your never ceasing attitude. I prayed for my Mom since I was old enough to know to and she was saved about 5 years ago. A precious lady at a Bible study I attended once said "never.ever. give up praying for someone..." I adopted that because sometimes I wanted to say "nevermind, it's NEVER gonna happen" or she'd exhibit some behavior that made me think "ok, God, maybe you're NOT working on her" but press on, I did.
You are pressing, my dear and you have a whole circle of in real life people and blog girls that are lifting him up (and you!).
Enjoying Daniel oh so much!
I love you!
I love you, and that beautiful heart of yours.
Thank you for sharing such an honest and transparent account of relying on faith! What a beautiful picture God is painting in your life.
Keep on praying. And I'll pray for y'all too!!
Have I mentioned lately that I.Heart.you? Your transparency is such a gift to each of us who have the pleasure to "know" you.
I've been praying for awhile now that God would grant this desire of your heart. It is a beautiful thing (looking from the outside in) how He is growing, blessing, and refining you in the process of the fulfillment of it all.
Kneeling humbly beside you, my friend, seeking His face and asking Him to draw your husband's heart to Himself. For His glory and purposes to be fulfilled.
Much love!
Dearest, sweetest Gretchen, this brought tears to my eyes. I have NO idea what it's like to be you, so I won't pretend. But I have to say, to see your faith is so encouraging to me. I had someone say to me once regarding my husband, don't try to control and make your husband the man YOU want him to be. You don't want that. You want him to be the man GOD wants him to be. We just get to be His vessels by our faithfulness and our obedience to God. This is what I see you doing! And God is blessing you with a good marriage in the process. What an honor it is to call you "friend".
Oh dear friend, this post had your heart splashed all over it. I will continue to lift you and your sweet hubby up in prayer.
thank you for the sweet comments you left me on my posts today.
As for the sister business...shoot yes! Come on and join the family girl. I won't be selfish, for I know I am BLESSED!!! Whatcha doing next Thanksgiving? :)
Love ya!
Oh, Jewels. How you have blessed me today. You're honesty and willingness to share this part of your life with us is so very very brave. You have no idea how many people you are touching by just being willing to speak.
Gretchen, how this makes me all teary! Our God is so big and so good and your husband is not beyond his reach and I am praying that your husband is reaching for God too...all it takes is a little. I have that...a little faith.
I know it's tough but I also know I am committed to you in prayer.
My husband has been struggling with some "stuff" lately and I have been laying hands on him as he sleeps at night and fighting with all my might and asking God to keep fighting when I can't. This morning we had a major breakthrough together and i've been crying all.day.long. I'm praying, sister.
I admire your faithfulness and your honesty and your willingness to get out of the way and let God make all things beautiful in His time.
Don't stop believing! (I didn't mean to break into Journey, honest.)
I'm going to break out in song with Whimzie. "Don't stop! Be-lie-ving!"
I've been praying for you, friend. I won't stop. You just keep bringing God glory.
Love you!
Thank you, friends, for your overwhelming support and encouragement. Who knew that God could use even the blogosphere to His glory?!!!
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Your honesty is refreshing, thank you for sharing you heart.
wanted to post when I first read this but sometimes i need to wrap my head around things so my fingers (or mouth)have time to catch up. I am in a marriage with a sort-of unbeliever. When we first met, he was the one who came from the Christian family, knew all about Jesus, and I was the one who needed to believe and catch up. So that's what i did for the first few years of our marriage. I focused so much on my own relationship with Jesus and learning/reading all I could and falling in Love with Him, that I didn't notice my husband drifting farther from Him or the fact that maybe he never really had his own relationship with Him to begin with, maybe this whole time he had relied on his parents' relationship with the Lord...I have prayed, begged, cried for my husband for the last 10 or so years to only watch him slip farther away from God. And in the mean time have prayed for so many other husbands and watched them come to or back to the Lord,all the while my heart breaking. I have not prayed for another husband in a long time. It honestly got to be too painful, watching them come to Jesus and my own husband not. I know that is so awful and selfish, but God knows already.....anyway, your husband has been put on my heart to pray for him. I tried at first to ignore it, because well I'm just like that sometimes, but God doesn't let me get away with it for long. So I wanted you to know I was going to be praying for him and for you. Your faith and hope in what the Lord will do comes through loud and clear on your blog. You've given me hope again too.
I hope this makes sense and sorry it's so long! :)
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