Daniel SAFARI: Fond Farewell

As a tip o' the hat to our courageous SAFARI leader, I'm doing my wrap up in acrostic style.

D: Did the study live up to my expectations?  Was my experience consistent with my expectations?  Well...actually, I had few expectations.  I knew a lot of my fellow travelers had been down the Daniel road before and found it a little wiggy and difficult to digest.  I think perhaps we were all a little put off by the prophesy aspect of the book (initially) because that seems to be a very unfamiliar part of our daily Christian walk as post-modern Americans.  My experience totally surpassed any expectations I could have ever had. 
A: Any heart changes?  Only God can answer this.  But just carefully reading and studying Daniel gave me a heart for the amazing faith of this individual.  And the thirst for that same, bold, steadfast faith.  A faith that, according to God's will, can move mountains.
N:  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could complete this study--and not only that, but be so blessed by my SAFARI Sisters.  They are truly the best "souvenir" from this study. Never did I think that one of us would come to find out she had an agressive form of cancer, and yet, bless her sisters with her insights, groans, and God-given messages of encouragement in her completion of the study. 
I: I am amazed at the fact that even though God has been around since the beginning of time, he makes himself current and understandable--through His word, and through the voices of  Amber...Jen...Karen...Lisa...Tiffani...and all the FB folks I had chance to peek in on.
E:Easy?  No...often times, this study made me look up close and personal to all my "zits" in the mirror.  No one likes to do that--especially a 41 year old woman.  Aren't I supposed to be at an age to "have it all together?".  Ahem.  No, it wasn't easy.  But it was gooood.
L:  Love.  Love the fact that God led me to this study at this particular time.  Love the lessons learned, even when they chafed and burned.  Love that Daniel is just as applicable today as it was when written. 

Thanks to all who have put up with my off-key singing in the jeep.  I appreciate your helping to clear the windows so that I could see all the scenery.  Thank You, Jesus, for your grace and mercy throughout my journey.  You forgave the times I wasn't as disciplined as we both would've liked, and Your faithfulness built upon my own wimpy faith of a mustard seed. I am blessed. 

Daniel SAFARI: Week 12

Exploring Evangelism/Conquering Complacency

This week's highlighted verse:  Daniel 12:3 (NLT) "Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars forever."

Here are the questions for our final chapter:

1.  Post about a time you’ve shared the Gospel with someone–how’d it go?

2.  Why do you think so many of us choke when it’s time to tell someone the Good News? What do you think we can do about it?

I've chosen to answer them both, but I WILL TRY TO BE BRIEF. :)

1.  I don't believe I've shared the Gospel from beginning to end, so to speak, with anyone except for my children.  That went well b/c they were little and they were getting major back up from their awesome Sunday School teachers at my church.  Typically, I share the Gospel by sharing little, experiential things where I see God's presence in my life.  I've also shared verses which make me think.  Lastly, sometimes, I just ask if I can pray for the person (who doesn't know Jesus).  Usually, these attempts have gone well.  Sometimes, I consider them feeble because, after all, the goal is SALVATION.  But is that really the goal?  As Amber noted in our study, we are called to be witnesses in the command of the Great Commission, but witnesses are responsible for only telling the truth as they know it.  Only God can convert a heart.  My evangelizing needs to be somewhat comfortable, and always as a result of being in relationship with a person, or it will seem disingenuous.  People are so wary and guarded because they've been hurt, so treading carefully is always the order of the day (in my opinion). I am not displeased with my actual sharing--but I realize that I could be more intentional in each relationship, "making the most of every opportunity", not only to get along with my fellow believers, but sharing the faith with unbelievers. (Philippians 5:14-16).  Time is running short.

2.  I think many of us choke when sharing the Gospel because we're afraid of rejection.  Who wants to look like a freak, or be labeled a fanatic?  Quite frankly, there is no good excuse for not evangelizing, since we are commanded to do so; however, T.V. evangelists and political extremists have done very little for our cause in reaching the unchurched.  "If I listen to Gretchen and/or attend her church, will I turn into some religious nutcase?"  The second reason we choke, and it's directly related to a message about worry and possessions (Luke 12:22-34) that I heard today, is that we're not truly "bought in" to the Kingdom of God, ourselves.  Fitting into our social groups is extremely important--an idol, perhaps? Ouch.  But really...Do I want to be the churchy one?  No I don't, but it takes effort at building relationships and living/walking faith in order to make Jesus attractive to folks in our fast-paced, instant gratification, I'm-too-busy-for-God American culture.  Jesus asked each of his disciples to drop everything and follow Him.  He asks us, too.  And in order to shine like stars, we must be strong and courageous, and wisely share His righteousness with others. He didn't say this would be easy.  He didn't say it wouldn't feel awkward at times.  He didn't say folks would instantly agree.  He just said to do it.

I find comfort in knowing that if I just try--just do my little part--He's got the rest covered. 

I am humbled to have finished this SAFARI with all of you.  Thank you for your companionship and wisdom along the way.  Special thank you to HisGirlAmber, my SoCA sister.  You never cease to amaze me, and girl, you've sharpened my iron many a time. Love you!

I'll be sharing final wrap ups by the end of this week/beginning of next. 

Daniel SAFARI: Week 11:

Before we get started, I wanted to let you know that my Gladitudes will be on Weds, rather than tomorrow, since this post is a little tardy in coming.  Not that anyone is setting her watch by my posts, but... :)

However, now it's time for our second to last bit of our journey together on our Daniel SAFARI.  For those of you who are not in the study, or those of you who might be lurking, I capitalize SAFARI b/c it's used as a clever acrostic by HisGirl.  Lemme see if I can remember:  Scripture, Application, Facts, Ask God, Read (more), Internet.  Just a little housekeeping.  I'm a bit verklempt that the end of this time is near, but so thankful for this study, and for all the lessons we have learned together along the way. 

Today's topic for Daniel 11 is:  Exploring Intimacy/Conquering Wickedness

Oh, is THAT all?

Here is our key verse for the week:  Daniel 11:32 in the New Living Translation states, "He will flatter and win over those who have violated the covenant. But the people who know their God will be strong and will resist him."

And my chosen question(s) of the three:  Why do you think so many people are deceived by people

claiming to be God, or claiming to speak for God? What can we do to keep ourselves from falling prey to these false prophets?   apologies in advance for being wordy.

I believe that so many people are deceived by false prophets because of ignorance or laziness.  Ignorance is terribly sad.  Those who are ignorant of the Gospel do not have a saving knowledge of the one, true God.  In short, they don't know any better because they haven't been taught any better.

But I think God calls us to think more about laziness in this particular chapter of Daniel.  In this chapter, I think He is calling out those of us who know Him, but don't take the time or effort to be intimate with Him.  To know Him inside-out.  To know his character so fully that we not only would send false prophets packing, but that we'd not even notice them in our paths, so clear would our focus be upon Him.  But a single-minded focus takes everything we have to give it.  I remember when our teaching pastor was sharing the passage (Luke 9:37-43) about how the disciples had been away from Jesus for probably a week busy healing and preaching, when they came upon a man whose son was demon possessed.  Nothing in their power was enough to release the boy from the power of this demon.  Finally, the man asked Jesus to heal him b/c the disciples couldn't do so, themselves.  Jesus was understandably upset.  Not because he didn't want to help this man, but because his disciples had only been away such a short time from him, and already had lost intimacy (faith) in Him.  They were acting in own power, as opposed to claiming His power.  This passage really speaks to me b/c it shows how entirely easy it is to step away from intimacy with our Lord.  These men were Jesus' chosen disciples, and even they fell short of complete closeness, all the time.  And the devil was prowling.  And he still prowls, as when false prophets are raised up.

Why does this hit so close to home?  Because it's so parallel to another type of relationship that also takes constant work:  a marriage.  In fact, Amber also mentions her knowledge of her husband in our lesson. On June 2, of this year, Big and I will have been married for 20 years.  Not a huge amount of time, but time enough to know that this marriage will go no where fast if we don't work at it.  We MUST work at intimacy by:  communicating well, spending quality time together, and having sex.  And if we don't choose to work at our intimacy and one or all of these things falter for too long, guess what?  Wickedness in the form of arguments, petty jealousies, and even something like an affair will likely settle over this relationship.  Now, I know very good and well that there are many folks who have been hurt by their spouse and/or have been divorced for whatever reason.  PLEASE know that I'm not passing judgment or really even talking about that.  What I'm saying is that an intimate relationship takes work. It takes effort.  It takes time.  Even when I'm not in the mood.

Similarly, in order to be in an intimate relationship with God, we have to give that relationship our time, energy, and effort.  Whether we are always "in the mood" or not.  Wanting is a feeling.  But just like doing something kind for my spouse shows that I love him, doing something with God at the center of that behavior shows my love for Him.  If we're not (okay, I'll switch the pronoun to "I")...If I'm not in my Bible, praying about decisions--like whether to open my mouth or not, surrounding myself with godly mentors, and in communion with God, I'm allowing the door to danger--perhaps false prophets, even--to be opened.  Wickedness is very insidious.  It doesn't need much of a foothold to grow and rot everything in its path.  And, as seen with the disciples, no one is immune to its exposure.  Vigilance is key.

Lord Jesus, thank You for knowing me from the inside-out.  Thank You for Your grace and incredible sacrifice on my behalf. I could never show You enough how much I love you.  I confess that i will often take the lazy way out in our relationship, and still expect to be close and hear Your still, small voice.  Please forgive me for my lack of effort in abiding in You.  Thank You for abiding in me, Holy Spirit, no matter how often I drop the ball.  I love you so.  Please help me to love You well, so that I may love others well, too.  In Jesus' name. Amen.

Daniel SAFARI: Week 10 Strength vs. Weakness

Welcome to week 10.  This week, our safari is busy studying Daniel 10; exploring strength and conquering weakness by God's hand and help.  I cannot overstate how much I appreciate HisGirl's insight and organization in bringing us a framework for our study.  The study points and questions are as creative as they are thought provoking.  Amber, your word pictures are amazing.

I'm choosing the following discussion point:  Have you ever found yourself the recipient of encouragement when feeling spiritually weak? Share the story.

Thank the Good Lord, I am the recipient of such encouragement almost every day.  I may not be as dramatically encouraged (by visions and angels, brought on by three weeks of fasting), but God places so many encouragers in my midst. He does so, I think, because He knows I could not function without them.  He also knows words are important to me, so He typically encourages me by using the words others, in addition to His Word. Here are a few instances by which I know I am loved and strengthened by the Holy One:

• 
  
   About a year ago, a precious girlfriend of mine wrote an incredibly encouraging letter to me when I was discouraged by the affects my son's differences were having on his education and his life.  And my life.  You see, if you cut him, seems I bleed, as well.   I know...sounds enmeshed.  I've felt guilty for being such a hover-mom for so long, but if that's what's needed, wouldn't I be neglectful if I didn't hover? At any rate...her letter ministered to my soul by reminding me that all the cruddy days will be redeemed, and that I can boldly, courageously stand on the foundation of His truths and His love for me.
• 
  
  If you've read JIMCS for any length of time, you know I've often worried about the state of my husband's heart and his relationship with God.  A friend of mine, who is also a pastor, listened to my worries, prayed with me, showed me scriptures where unequal yokedom is discussed (wow, that happened even WAY back when), and told me such a nugget of truth which has stayed with me:  He told me that by honoring my husband, I was honoring God.  This is being put to the test this week, especially.  I typically sing and participate in our Good Friday and Easter services.  My husband has asked me not to commit to doing Good Friday service because he'd like us to be together for a long weekend w/o distractions.  While he didn't say he'd prefer I'd stay home for Easter, I know it's what he would like.  So, I'm offering it up as a loving sacrifice.  Folks, I'd rather be at church, grieving and celebrating.  But, in a way, I feel like my not going to church this weekend is the most godly thing I can do.  BTW, before you wonder, Big is wonderful about supporting my church and ministry needs.  I think he just wanted us to lay low while the kids had one weekend of overlapping spring breaks.
• 
  
  God uses many of my girlfriends, both those who live locally, and those who "live in my computer" to meet for coffee, to text, tweet, call, and email encouragement when I'm spiritually stick-a-fork-in-me-done.  They remind me that I'm not alone.  That I am loved, and that God is who He says He is, and nothing surprises Him. 

When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, "Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength."  (Daniel 10:19)

 

Daniel SAFARI: Week 9

Welcome back, travelers!  Cannot believe chapter/week 9 is upon us.  This week we're exploring repentance and with His grace, conquering defiance. Perhaps out of all we've studied,this hits closest to home for me.  Not a super place to spend a lot of time--looking at areas which should be pruned and changed.  Nevertheless, this is where the jeep has stopped, and it would be futile to go further w/o jettisoning the sin which ensnares (Heb. 12:1).

This week I'll address the following:  Time for some brutal honesty– have you ever struggled with repenting? Has there ever been something you knew you needed to turn from and didn’twant to? How did that work out for you? What did you learn?

(As is in my nature, I'm slightly off-kilter, so my answer doesn't exactly "fit" the criteria.  Still...it's on my heart, and I think it relates..).

Well, funny you should ask.  The answer is, of course, yes.  But it's funny--I'm learning to recognize sin in my every day life with every day things, and with God's grace, I'm repenting (seeking forgiveness for and turning away) from those behaviors.  However, this passage brings to mind something broader, in terms of repentance.  You see, not only was Daniel repentant for himself--in fact some might say he didn't need to repent--he repented for others with whom he was associated.  I found this interesting in light of our own church's outreach series of messages (nice timing, God).  Our salvation and our repentance must start within our own hearts, but that's not where it ends.  It can't end there, or we deny the instructions of our Great Commission.  God is for everyone, not just the ones who are saved right now.

Unfortunately, for me, my repentance often ends with myself (and God).  The pattern goes something like this:  I sin.  I realized I've sinned.  I choose to confirm or deny my sin.  At this point, I hope the flow graph goes to my confessing sin, seeking forgiveness, and changing my behavior towards a godly end.  And I'm getting better at that. Yet.  I am not a Christian Lone Ranger, though I confess this is often how I've acted. I find that, for my other believing friends, I'll pray for healing, for direction, for provision, for you-name-it, but I often forget or neglect to pray for their forgiveness from the sin which so easily ensnares them.  It is not easy being a Christian.  The arrows are flying.  I need to ask God to love and forgive my fellow believers. Somehow, I guess I've figured that they'd repent on their own, or that their lives are none of my business. But to be honest, if we really are a church "family" and not the church of Gretchen, we do need to bear each others' burdens, including repentance.  I need to suit up in His armor to not only protect myself, but my church and THE Church from Satan's schemes.  This is my understanding of what Daniel did in chapter 9.  In verse 20, he speaks about confessing and repenting for his sins, but also for the sins of his fellow people of Israel. 

In the world family of God's children (which include all whom He made, not just Christians), I need to be praying that my husband and all those who don't personally know Jesus will turn away from their unbelief and turn to the heart of Jesus. 

And so, Jesus, let me do that right now.  Please forgive my sins--the every day lapses which You and I have talked about, but also for the sins, past, present, and future of my believing AND non-believing brothers and sisters.  I pray that the believers would repent and, in this process of pruning, show more fruit of Your Spirit, which, in turn, attracts our non-believing friends and family like bees to nectar.  And for those who sin in their disbelief--Lord, I give them to You.  I ask for your mercy, and for your Spirit to pierce through hardened hearts.  Thank You for Who You are, Lord.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Daniel SAFARI: Week 8

Exploring Diligence and Conquering Lethargy

Here are our questions for this week:  Define Spiritual Diligence and Spiritual Lethargy. Why do you think we have so many spiritually lethargic people in the church today?  -or- Talk about a time in your life when you found yourself spiritually lethargic. How did you get out of that rut? Discuss.

I could easily discuss both of these, but I'll tackle the first question for $500, HisGirl. 

I think spiritual diligence encompasses the truest form of faith.  It's is a choice to actively seek knowledge and truth in our faith.  We can be diligent through prayer, Bible study, meditation, and discipling (teaching others and having others teach us).  When we are diligent, we are careful--leaving no proverbial stone unturned. Additionally, spiritual diligence is in itself its own safety mechanism against believing what we want to believe, and/or believing 1/2 truths, especially in books like Daniel, which are a bit freaky upon first examination, and can be hard to understand.  Note: partial knowledge is different from a 1/2 truth.  In my opinion, partial knowledge is akin to knowing something about how football is played.  There are downs, a ball, and several people crushing into one another at the blow of a whistl, e.  This will always be true.  A more full knowledge of the game would include knowing the rules about whom to crush, and when to crush them.  However, it would be a 1/2 truth to think that seeing one game or one aspect of the sport makes one an expert.  Spiritual diligence also connotes consistency.  We not only read the Bible, pray, meditate upon His Word, disciple, etc., but we do it all.the.time.  Despite our feelings.  Despite our busyness.  Spiritual diligence, for me, chiefly means obedience. 

On the other hand, spiritual lethargy is the exact opposite.  As I was brushing up on the definition of lethargy, obviously laziness came to mind, and of course drowsy/tiredness.  But one word really spoke to me, and that's:  iRrEGulAr.  It makes sense to me that spiritual lethargy is then the absence of seeking knowledge and truth in God's word and will for us, because we are lazy or burdened, and just don't put the time in to seek, learn, and abide in Him.  But it also means, more personally for me, that even if we do sit down to our quiet times, etc., they are irregular and inconsistent.  Perhaps we are distracted and/or bored.  When I think of the word lethargic, I think that it's opposite must be passionate.  When I am lethargic in any area of my life, I have no passion for that area.  When we are spiritually lethargic, to me, that means the spark or passion has been lessened, or snuffed out altogether.  Instead of obedience, we have avoidance.  And I don't know about you, but when I start avoiding things, especially those which require discipline, I start feeling worse and worse about myself.  And eventually, I get to a "what's the point?" mentality.  This is a perfect foothold for satan.  A foothold I've given him more than once.

So why are there so many spiritually lethargic people in church today?  I think there are many reasons for this, but probably they mostly boil down to this:  d.i.s.t.r.a.c.t.i.o.n..  In this post-modern world, there are so many things competing for our time.  Many of them have not changed from years gone by (jobs, children, chores), but others have.  We are so bombarded by information and are expected to be on call nearly 24/7.  Our quiet time is often fractured, or even edged out.  I'm not even talking about strict Bible study, meditation quiet time. I'm talking about time to.just.think.  So...meanwhile, we go from task to task, like a silver pinball, checking things off our list, and dropping into bed, exhausted, and getting up to repeat the madness.  There's simply no time for God.  We can fit Him in a box on Sunday mornings (if that), but after that, there are other things requiring our attention.  Bills.  Baseball games.  Bible studies.  Hobbies.  Ahem...blogging.  Updating the world on our Twitter/Facebook status.  Important things.  Escaping life thru TV. Reading.  Napping.  You name it.  We are not, as a whole, like Daniel, whose habit it was to stop and pray, nor like David, who meditated on God's word day and night.  I'm saying "we".  I could take more responsibility and say "I".  I think I would be shocked at how much downtime there was in the 1st century.  Seriously.  Even if I were raising my food and making my clothing.  Certainly, if it weren't down time, per se, it'd be quieter, w/o the patter of TV/radio/cell phone noise in the background. 

Why are there so many spiritually lethargic folks at church today?  Because we are not making the daily choice to obey.  To abide.  To seek.  To live.  I think, because life can be so complicated, when it comes to our spiritual life, we want that.one.thing. to be easy.  I'll go to church, and sing and pray and say hi to a few friends, and listen to the message and go home.  And then...because I didn't choose to really feed on the Gospel, I'll feel empty, listless, and I might even blame God for not talking to me.  And then...I'll choose to be farther and farther away... because lazy is easy, and satan makes easy sound so good.

The thing is...we can't let spiritual lethargy win the battle for our hearts and minds.  We have to plunk that cross into the ground and say, "by His blood, I am free to believe".  I'm free to seek.  Free to obey.  Free to glean and learn and teach and pray.  Free to be like Him who loved me.    I'll leave you with some of the scripture that HisGirl put in our lesson. Both short, but oh, so powerful.  Be blessed my friends.

Revelation 3:19 (New Living Translation)
19 I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

Proverbs 12:27 (New Living Translation)
27 Lazy people don’t even cook the game they catch,
but the diligent make use of everything they find.

Daniel SAFARI: Week 7

Wow...another week has flown by in our SAFARI.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, His Girl, for never giving up, even when it must seem a thankless task at times, to encourage and educate this crew of travellers.  May blessings be heaped upon your head, Dear Friend.

This week, I'm diving into the following choice in our homework: 

 "Discuss your personal “Spiritual Education.” What factors have been key in your understanding of who God is?

The fact is, until I got so tired of the ivory tower machine that is gradual  graduate school--learning about studies, statistics, and therapy programs, that it took me a long time to want to read a book, write a note, or learn about anything EVER again.  I may have graduated from CU Boulder a qualified speech-language pathologist, but I very nearly lost my love of learning, and VERY much lost my love of reading for quite some time.  However, God is faithful, and with time, my curiosity grew, about many things...chiefly, Him. Further, since I must be wired as a speech therapist to some degree, He gave me access to a spiritual education which was tailor-made for my understanding. 

 My spiritual education is multi-modal in nature: 

I read/listen. 

I process. 

I speak/pray.

I write/do.  

 In thru the eyes and ears, to the heart and mind, and out through words and deeds. 

Each of these modalities, a.k.a. "factors" are intrinsic to my understanding of the nature of Christ.  I would love to tell you that I am 100% caught up on every Bible reading.  That I always think/process before I speak, and that prayer is my first behavior before any others, but that would simply be a lie.  However, God has given these tools, and many resources to help me know him. 

Read/Listen:  First and foremost, God speaks to me through His Word.  When I read the Bible, not only do I have the history of the world at my fingertips, but I also have access to His nature.  Who He is.  What pleases and glorifies Him.  What He deplores.  How deeply He loves. How richly He blesses.  In addition, I God has placed me in an amazing church--not perfect by any means, but amazing all the same--where Scripture is exegetically studied and shared by not only our teaching pastor, but by other leaders and friends, as well.

Process:  Processing requires...guess what?  Time.  Thought.  And for me...quiet.  Do I take as much time to process God's thoughts and meditate upon His Word as I "should".  No.  I am growing.  I also suppose it will never be enough, because a true, glorifying love of the Lord should always leave one thirsty for more. 

Speak/Pray:  I speak to others...mentors, mostly.  I am so blessed to know and be known by such amazing folks, not only in my church, but in The Church.  None of you participating in this study goes to my church.  Yet we "speak" to one another, and iron sharpens iron.  The same is true with my godly friendships with the men and women at my church.  My choir and worship team peeps, especially, create such a safe landing space for me each week.  I get to pray with and for them.  Speak and listen to them, and learn so very much from their understanding.

Write/Do:  Writing...in the form of a prayer list or even the scant journal entry.  Writing blog posts.  True confessions:  I am NOT a journaler by nature.  The only time I have really been successful at journaling was when I was deeply depressed.  Perhaps that's why I'm afraid of it.  But I do journal those other ways.  I write in the margins of my Bible.  I write scripture for memorization.  In fact, I have typed out a beloved Scripture, which is now dog-earred, but no less true, and have taped it to my van's dash to remind me of the following:

31 "As for God, his way is perfect;

the word of the LORD is flawless.

He is a shieldfor all who take refuge in him.

32 For who is God besides the LORD ?

And who is the Rock except our God?"

2 Samuel 22:31-32

And as for the "do".  Well, hopefully, doing this study, being in the Word, mentoring and being mentored, praying, and being prayed for...well, it's my hope and belief that this leads to fruit.  His fruit:  love,joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  And when my actions do not lead to fruit, His gentle whisper of conviction leads me to repent, and to ask for his forgiveness (and just one more "mulligan"). 

And that's all I have to say about that. ;-)

Daniel SAFARI: Week 6

Shut the front door!  Are we really finished with week 6?  Wowza. Thank you so much, fellow Safari Sisters and friends who are following along, for taking the time to come read my thoughts and for sharing your own.  I know I was an especially poor bloggy friend this past week, since I was on my R&R trip to NC, but I'm back in the saddle again. 

This week's assignment corresponds with Daniel, Chapter 7--or the trip to the lion's den for our beloved Belteshazzar  (a.k.a. Daniel).  Doesn't that alliteration just fairly drip off your tongue?  Even as a nonbeliever, I had heard something of this story.  It was nice to really read thru it and look at the nuances (thanks to Amber's guidance).  Our focus was "exploring prayer" and "conquering planning".  Additionally, one of the things we were encouraged to ask God about was whether our first instinct was to pray or to panic/plan in a stressful situation.  I could really do w/o some of these squirm in my seat/too close to home questions.  Nevertheless, I will continue to trudge on.

I'll discuss the following:  Tell of a time when you were tempted to make plans, and instead chose to pray and wait on God, instead.

I wish I could tell you that I have this one, crisply defined moment when this shift occurred for me.  Alas, I am much messier than that.  My name is Gretchen, and I'm a planner, a recovering control freak, and a recovering perfectionist.  I think a lot of that baggage came with my upbringing (not dissing--just keepin' it real), but I'm also a firm believer that, after 21, you need to choose to either find the tools to deal with your s**t, or succumb to it.  However, the dealing...takes a lot of prayer, submission, and total dependence on God.  Not something an independent perfectionist was accustomed to doing. 

And the fact that I didn't do this nearly cost me my marriage.    

Because I was so needy that I tried to fill a God-sized hole w/my wonderful, but human husband. 

See, he's a travelin' man.  Made a lot of stops.  All over the world.  (Hello, Ricky Nelson).  Indeed, he started our marriage with 100% travel, and is now down to about 30% . 

Well, this travel didn't fit with my perception of what a husband should do, nor did the tons of overtime he worked.  On the outside, I was calm, and cute :), and on the inside, I was boiling.  Eventually,about every couple of weeks or so the vitriol would spew forth from me in an argument because Big had "chosen his work over me".  Not only that, but "if he really loved me, he'd find a decent job close to home,etc.".  After all, don't husbands greet their wives with a kiss at 5:01 p.m., Monday-Friday?  Okay...so add naive to the list of my attributes. When we were first married, Big's flight would arrive at 10 on Friday night, and then have to be back at the airport on Sunday at 2 p.m.  Granted, this was not ideal, but he was doing his time in the corporate world of consulting.  One would think that I would be excited to see him.  And I was...but not really.  You see, I didn't have the knowledge of God that I have now, so I wasn't praying for our marriage, his safety, or anything, really.  But boy, I was a planner.  I planned each Friday all day long about how I could harp at him, withhold bedroom fun, or berate him so that he would finally see the light and come home to his needy wife.  And when I was done blaming him coming home so late on Fridays, I started in on how big a bummer it was to have to take him to the airport so early on a Sunday.  I was sure a prize, no?  Not to take 100% of our early marital woes upon myself, but really...who could blame him for wanting to be away from me.  Our weekends were spent fighting rather than growing closer as a couple to shore each other up before another hard week. 

Truly, it's only the hand of God that saved us.

Fast forward to now.  He.still.travels.  I.still.hate.it.  And I have to do a lot of talking with God to make sure my heart is in the nonresentful right place when I anticipate his trips. Is it perfect now?  Nope.  But I'll tell you this:  since God is now in the God-sized hole, and since I choose to pray to Him to help my messed up self, I find that my marriage is better.  I focus on the "now".  On what I have.  On how blessed I am to be nearly 20 years married to a man who loves me, provides exceedingly well for our family, and who has actually relaxed a bit and put his marriage first more often when there seems to be a reason to do so. 

Now, when he readies himself to go to Asia, we cuddle.  We chat.  I do his laundry and help him pack.  I tell him that I would really rather he not go, but that I'm thankful for his job and his excitement--especially at 42 years old--in doing what he does.  I tell him again that I'd rather he not go (wait, I said that :) ), and then I pray over him.  I release him to God's care.  And I walk to my Jesus' lap and let Him care for me.  In prayer.  Sometimes being lonely and having abandonment crap can really feel like a lion's den.  But thanks to prayer--sometimes in a designated quiet time, sometimes in breath prayers as I drive/do laundry/wash dishes, sometimes as i tuck in my children--we know we're going to be okay.

"For he is the living God and he endures forever;

his kingdom will not be destroyed,

his dominion will never end."

Daniel 6:26 

 

Daniel SAFARI: Week 5

I'm choosing to discuss the following question on Daniel's study this week:  "Have you ever experienced 'spiritual amnesia'? Discuss."

WOW...that's a fine howdoyado, isn't it?  Not a very easy peasy lemon squeazy question, but a refreshingly authentically relevant one--relevant in Belshazzar's day and in Gretchen's day.  

So I guess I'll answer. (drumroll)

Yes.

Oh..."discuss".  I guess I missed that. 

Sadly, I suffer spiritual amnesia on nearly a daily basis.  How do I know this is true?  Because the fruit (or...lack thereof) of my attitudes is shown in my behavior.

In a nutshell, I forget the following, and it has a domino effect on my freedom to be and do all that God has planned for me to be and do (most notably, as woman, wife, mother, and friend)..

• I have difficulty forgiving my kids for offenses which they commit, especially when they do them OVER and OVER and OVER again.  Hello?  Can you please learn from your mistakes????  Umm...yeah.  I wonder if God ever looks at me, committing my 100th sin, same as the first (Channeling the Henry the 8th song, here.), and says to Himself, "do you ever learn???  Meanwhile, that sin is forgiven.(Matthew 18:21-23; Matthew 26:28)  When i repent, His arms fly open, and into them I fall.  Again.  And.  Again.
• I have spiritual amnesia when it comes to remembering that through faith, I am pleasing, blameless, and holy in His sight. (Col. 1:21-22)Though I am gettting better with my response to this truth, I've often forgotten it, causing me too much angst where others were concerned.  People pleasing, worrying about my appearance, or wondering what folks thought of me in any given situation really cramps my style, and takes my eyes off of Him. 
• I have spiritual amnesia when I think of others when I judge them w/o knowing all the circumstances behind their actions.  Ever been cut off in traffic?  Does it ever vex you?  It vexes me, and I'm not as gracious as I should be at all times.  But what if I took a second, backed up...looked at the situation through a God-type of lens, and prayed for that person.  Maybe s/he is having a rough day.  Maybe she's in labor. Maybe, s/he simply didn't see me.  Maybe s/he just made a bonehead move.  Don't all of these situations call for grace? And hasn't His grace been sufficiently poured out for me that I could share?  After all, my graciousness (or lack thereof) might be the only glimpse that person has of a Christian during their day.  Do I look different? I pray that the overwhelming majority of the time, the answer is "yes".  But it's so important for me to remain in Him (John 15:4), so that He'll remain in me for others to see. 

Many of the ideas I've shared here dovetail with my experience with this bible study, by Robert McGee.

Lord, please forgive me for my spiritual amnesia and little thinking.  Thank you SO much for the opportunity to study Your word in a group of iron-sharpening believers.  Thank You for your truths.  For Your grace.  For the opportunities each day which i have to love and worship you by forgiving and loving on others.  Please bind me from the enemy, so that my eyes are always on You.  My Savior.  My Redeemer.  Remain in me, O God. How love you.  In Jesus' name. Amen.

 

Daniel SAFARI: Week 4

I come today ever so expectantly, though my hair is mussed, and my traveling clothes are smelly and torn from the hanging branches and bumpy road conditions, which are all part of the journey.  But a little dirt and grime won't stop God from leading and loving us through.  So it won't stop me from keeping on, either.  In His strength. This week, we're exploring vanity vs. humility.  'Scuse me, Teacher HisGirl, can I have a hall pass?  No?

Okay.  Just thought I'd ask.

Because this vanity (pride) vs. humility sort of makes me squirm in my seat.  Why?  Because though I try to be humble and put God first in my mind and heart, dying to self, I often DON'T.

Did anyone else's mind go to Charlotte's Web, and Wilbur's plight?  You all know the story, right?  Wilbur the runty pig goes to live on Zuckerman's farm after his little, cute babyhood wears off. Luckily for him, his previous owner, Fern continues to love him, and he meets several friends who start a campaign to save his bacon--most indispensably, a beautiful spider, named Charlotte.  A couple of things strike me as significant in Wilbur's story.  First, Wilbur knows there is nothing in his own strength which will save him.  This is quite different from most of us me, for I often go to my own strength, my own ability, my own resources, while ignoring the only REAL resource.  The Great I Am.  Ouch.  Second, it strikes me as interesting that one of the words used to describe Wilbur is HUMBLE.  Humble? Who cares if a pig is humble?  I mean, really.  They want to eat him, not philosphize with him.  Even if he was to be taken as a pet, I'd say humility is a given among our pets.  Perhaps our dominion is more to the point rather than their humility, but still.  An odd characteristic as a life-saving title, don't you think?  Yet, there's something very gentle and pleasing about HUMBLE old Wilbur (despite his whiny voice in the movie).  And you know the end of the story--he lives to a ripe old age, and helps raise Charlotte's children.  

Unlike Wilbur, it took a little longer for Nebuchadnezzar to realize his helplessness.  Eye of the needle, and all (Matthew 19:24).  But God was faithful, and after Old Nebby lost his pride because he didn't listen to God's interpretation of his dream thru Daniel, he went around feeling rather ox-ish.  BUT, when God was finished disciplining him, he saw God for the Creator and I AM that He is/was, repented, and became humble and obedient.    And not only did God restore him to his former success, but increased his power because his eyes were on the right prize. 

I'll be honest...as I considered the options to talk about (talking about when I've been humbled, etc.), not very many big moments came to mind.  Just a bunch of little daily ones.  Yes, I know that God is in control and reigns supreme, not just in my life, but that He is the reason for all life.  Yet, in my US citizen comfort, with my higher education, with all of the blessings he has so richly poured out over my head, I struggle, probably on a daily basis, with an attitude of thanksgiving, praise, and humility.  My hope lies in my faith in Jesus' work on the cross.  The fact that He is in the business of forgiveness and of miracles, and that He wants me to succeed at this.  I can tell, thank You, God, that I am starting to get it.  I'm making baby steps towards the goal of dying to self and living for Him.  So yeah, who cares about a little stinky here, and a little torn clothes there...This trip's worth every bruise, scratch, and God hug along the way.

Be blessed this week, my friends.

Daniel SAFARI: Week 3.

In this week's study, we are discussing fortitude vs. compromise. To be clear, we're not talking the type of compromise where everyone gives a little bit and then wins a bit. We're talking about compromise as it relates to letting go of our values during times of duress.

The questions I'm choosing to address are the following:

• Post about a time when you got an unexpected benefit as a result of a trial.
• Are trials a necessary part of Christianity? Discuss.

Three weeks before I turned 30, my mother died.  In February, it'll be 11 years. Oh, dear.  That means I'll be 41 next month.  Shhh.  Don't tell anyone.  She died on my father-in-law's 60th birthday.  I don't love February.  Not only is it a gray month, but, even 11 years later, I still have gray days when I think of my mom.  I often try to plan little treats and/or vacations during February to make it a more palatable month.  Tell me you do those types of things, too.  Well, not planning trips and treats in February, but planning little happies when you know you're not going to be so happy on your own.  Just me?

My mother and I had a tenuous relationship in my 20s.  Probably this had something to do with my growing independence from her, and my lack of codependence regarding her alcoholism.  It was not pretty.  In fact, because of her drinking, I had very little to do with her. Like a toddler who touches the stove, I was tired of being burned.  I learned to avoid her, so I saw her and spoke to her as little as possible.

And then I had children.  And I had a mother, who, jaded and diseased as she was, loved me and dearly, fiercely loved my children.  Yes, that's right.  She loved us all well.  As well as anyone could who didn't love themselves. She wanted to be a part of their lives, and part of mine, of course.  About 10% of me wanted that, too, so the other 90% came along for the ride.  Why?  Because I was torn between having a broken grandmother for my children (and mother for me) and not having one at all.  So, we bumped along until the last time I saw her conscious:  Feb 16, 1999.  She had come to visit me for Valentines Day weekend, to see the kids (then 2.5 and 8 months) and care for them while Big and I had dinner out.  I'll never forget her out in the snow on the morning she was scheduled to go back home, trying desperately not to freeze to death as she had her first ciggie of the day.  When she came in to warm up and have coffee, I asked her if she was ready to get home.  She said, "Well, it would be nice to have my coffee and my ciggie in the same place."  We both chuckled.  I remember that she didn't feel all that hot when I dropped her off for her ride home.  Five days later, she died.  Diagnosis?  Strep pneumonia.  Seriously?  Yes.  She was misdiagnosed as having the flu, so wasn't given any meds.  When I was called to see her on Saturday afternoon, Feb 21st, she was full of tubes and had only hours to live. 

And yet.

In this instance...her death was a beautiful, tragic, amazing mercy.  I believe that God was there, and further, I believe to my core that my mom was healed completely and utterly that day. Not healed here.  Not healed such that we could have a relationship.  Perhaps God knew that our time would be better spent having coffee someday in heaven, after the dust settled down here.

I do not believe that I would be as strong in my faith were it not for the "untimely" death of my mother, at age 54.

Losing my mom was a trial.  To this day, it remains a trial of sorts because...as much as we were broken in our relationship together, I loved her as fiercely as she loved me.  And I miss her.  Every day.  For, as much as alcohol was a part of our lives, so was her sacrifice and hard work and love for me.  She did the best she could with what she had, and then...I believed God released us both.
 
I believe my trip down to the hospital chapel where I released her into His care was a turning point in my faith.  A turning point which allowed me to seek and see something bigger than the intricacies and inadequacies of our mother-daughter relationship. Bigger than what I could ever hope to create or be apart of on this earth. 

Are trials necessary in the lives of Christians?  In the pre-sin era, I'd say definitely not.  However, based on what we're learning on this SAFARI, I know that we must consider them His refinement for our eternal benefit. 

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
James 1:2-3 (NIV)

Disclaimer:  To those of my friends who have lost parents, especially recently, please know that nothing in my post was intended to harm you in any way.  May the Lord bless you and keep you on your journey of grief.  May you feel His sweet new mercies each day. xxxooo

Daniel SAFARI: Week 2

Our assignment this week was to choose one of the following: 

• Describe a time when you've had to rely on faith rather than on your own understanding
• Tell of a time when you found yourself struggling with paying attention to the Word...What did you do to get back on track?
• Be bold! Take the time to outline exactly what you believe about God on your blog or social media page today.

Since I  feel equally inept at answering all of them, but slightly better about the first one  couldn't really decide, I thought I would take a stab at the first one, since, for me, it related best to my thoughts as I was studying this chapter.

I have 3 specific situations which are coming loudly to mind right now re:  living in faith rather than upon my own understanding.  But as I know that you have other activities in your life besides reading Gretchen's blog, I am now editing it down to one.  Perhaps the others will come up again later.  But as I type, God is assuring me that this is the story which needs telling...

Wha I'm learning is that trusting in Him and His ways is not easy, but it's really my only choice if I want to keep the anxiety demons away and the pride demons at bay.

Many of you know that i am part of an unequally yoked marriage.  I cannot tell you the tears of anger, frustration, and selfishness that I've cried over this. Surely over the last (nearly) 20 years, buckets have been filled. I have railed upon my husband and upon God until I am just spent. I've questioned, coerced, cajoled, ignored, been passive-aggressive, and martyred my way through wishing, hoping, and begging so that my husband would go to church.  Big picture?  Godly enough, at least on the surface...I want him to have a saving knowledge of Jesus, so that his life in eternity is secured, and so that he would take the reigns of godly leadership over in this family.  As I dig deeper, though, this is more what you might see, if I'm being honest.  This picture is more human.  Selfish.  Full of sin.  Let's see...I want him to come to church so I'm not alone there.  I want him to believe as I do, so that the children have a consistent upbringing.  I want him to go to church, so that he realizes THAT IT IS NOT A PICNIC getting two kids where they need to be, ON TIME.  I want him to open up this gift with me.  The precious gift of faith.  I want him to want this as much as I do. 

Guess what? 

It's not happening the way I had envisioned.  I go to church alone.  I sit alone, or with girlfriends.  I worship together in a body, but apart from my husband.  I go to worship team alone, choir alone, Bible study alone, and I pray alone.  I am deeply, gratefully rooted in the body of believers at my church.  But I am also largely alone. 

God, in His never ceasing mercy has led me to friends, some of whom happen to be pastors, and I've even had the opportunity to sit down with them to discuss my unequal yokedom.  And do you know what?  Without fail, they lead me to the Word.  They lead me to trust in Him.  They lead me to pray for my husband.  They lead me to submit to my husband.  They lead me to love him where he is and with God's eyes.  And I can do this because of Jesus.  Because of His strength, I can be merciful.  Because of His suffering, I can be long-suffering.  Because of His grace, I can be gracious.  Because of His forgiveness, I can forgive.  Because of His timing, I can be patient.  Because He never leaves, nor forsakes me, I am never alone.

So...how's our marriage? Well, because of faith...we are happily married.  I no longer cajole or press.  I do invite.  I share what i learn.  I listen.  I hope.  I give thanks because I see seeds of faith in my husband.  I see many seeking behaviors which tell me that he may be close to accepting Jesus without reservation or hesitation.  Then again, maybe he's not as "close" as I think--at least right now.  I am prepared for that.  I don't like it.  I often have to repent of my worries where he is concerned, because I do want him to have this.  I DO.  After all--what is the Great Commission about if not to gather more believers to the saving grace of Jesus? 

But I'm standing on faith--somedays, it's firmly, while on others, hanging on only by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin, or by my fingernails.  God is gentle and faithful throughout this journey.  And ever so patient...with me. 

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold othat for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God ha called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)


Soli Deo Gloria!

Daniel SAFARI...Week 1

According to my sources, "fear not" or "do not fear" or "do not let your heart be troubled" , a.k.a. "don't be afraid" occurs at least 100, (probably more) times in the Bible.  Whatever the number, when we're talking at least triple digits, that's a LOT.  God apparently knew there would be slow learners, such as myself, and wanted to be clear:  do.not.be.afraid. 

You know, for someone (hello, TMI) who has struggled with anxiety and her evil step sister, depression, off and on for most of my adult life, one would think I could embrace these 366 Biblical quotations completely and wholeheartedly.  I'm a Christian, after all.  But I haven't.  You want to know why?

Because.

I.

Was/Am.

Afraid. 

Here's my segue...In our Bible Study, His Girl gives us several ideas for posting.  Here's my chosen topic:  "There are several times angels tell people in the Bible to 'Fear Not'.  Find them and then compose a post or not about what you can draw from these scriptures."

Okay, segueing back to me...I've discovered a dirty little secret:  fear = lack of faith.  I think there's a good reason God only asks us for a mustard seed of faith--He knows that a mustard seed is about all most of us--even "good Christians"--can muster.  And it's clear to me, though I want to walk the walk of a born again believer...Though I want to live my life for Christ...It's clear that I am a poser 50, 60, 75, 80 95% of the time.  Maybe more. 

Why is it clear that I'm a poser?  Because I still fear (a.k.a. worry or obsess over):

• my kids will get hurt (socially, physically, emotionally) when they're at school or with friends.
• my husband will continue to seek, but not find, Jesus.
• I will never have the discipline to: ________. (fill in the blank--here are some ideas:  lose 20 pounds, finish this study, show my faith to nonbelievers in a believable way, etc.)
• abandonment.
• change.

The assignment specifically said to note the passages that angels told folks not to fear.  I'm going a little rogue here, and am going to list some "do not fear" passages which speak to me, whether spoken by angels or not.  Whether indirectly or directly, they're all from God, anyway.  All of these are from the NIV translation.

• Deuteronomy 31:6:  "'Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.'"
• Joshua 1:9:  "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you whereever you go." 
• Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
• Isaiah 43:1:  ..."'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.'"
• Matthew 1:20;  "But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 'Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.'" 
• Mark 5:  (Jesus) "Don't be afraid; just believe."
• Luke 1:13:  "But the angel said to him, 'Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard.  Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John.'"
• Luke 1:30-33:  "But the angel said to Mary, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, you ave found favor with God.You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High...his kingdom will never end.'"
• 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

So at this point, I see that I have a choice.  I can read this Bible and even nicely quote it, and wish that I could be just like Jesus, or really just admire/be jealous of those folks who were used and so pivotal in the Bible.  Or...I can repent.  I can turn away from my "little thinking" (a term used by my good friend, Jean), and I can embrace (by faith) that God is who He says He is.  That He has a plan for me.  That he didn't want folks to live in fear back in Moses' time, in Jesus' time on the planet, not in Timothy's time, and not in Gretchen's time.  He was and is, and is to come.  The Alpha and Omega--the author and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews. 12:2).

Lord, I thank You for being who You say You are.  Thank You that I can lay down any family of origin and self-inflicted drama and just be in Your presence.  You are amazing and Holy, and that You've made me blameless in Your sight because of the cross is unbelievable.  But I believe.  Nothing is impossible with You.  Forgive me for my fears, Lord.  Vanquish them, I pray.  Bind the enemy from my thoughts, and help me cast all worries and fears aside, that I may be bold and courageous in my faith, like Daniel and his friends.  Help me "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us (me) run with perseverance the race marked out for us (me)."  And Lord, thank you for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are running their race, too.  Help us to sharpen each other and build each other up.  Thank you for His Girl's creativity and obedience in bringing this study to us.  In Jesus' name. Amen.