Last Friday was Big's 41st b'day. I surprised him by asking another couple to dinner at a favorite restaurant for his b'day, so we had fun dining with them. I shared with Big (because he's a man, and a g.o.o.d. man, but still doesn't remember important things) that 20 years ago, I did the same thing. A surprise party at a restaurant. There were a few more friends and we were...ahem...much younger, but still. Being the introvert that he is, I think getting a surprise at 21 and 41 is about his speed. Then, the day after his b'day (yesterday), he went to China.
I try to be a biggest girl whilst he's away. Really, I do. It's just...I don't do it well. I'm okay with the one.less.person.to.cook.for. idea, as well as the looser schedule. But I'm not one who does well with this change every 3 weeks. And I don't like having him gone. I try. I pray. I try some more. I try to get out of God's way. But the truth is...I just miss him and want him here. Yes, the petulant 5 year old in me--sometimes she's more evident than at others, but she's always here--can't quite see why I can't have my cake and eat it, too. There are no support groups specifically for those of us with spouses who travel--unless for example, you're in the same boat with a bunch of others like those who live on or near a military base when their spouses are on deployment. Not comparing myself or my angst with anyone of that situation, except to say that when my husband is away, all my friends' husbands are home, and so we don't really do much in the way of socializing until mine comes back (at least as families). Also, as much as I love the fact that we have emailing and texting and phone calls, our relationship seems reduced to 5 minute soundbites here and there. We don't go too terribly deep on conversations because of the time change. He's tired or I'm tired, or he's running to work, calling me on the fly. He's makes a very good effort at communicating. It's just different than being together.
The problem with all this? He loves and feels challenged by what he does, and it pays him enough that I can stay home. Dilemma, anyone? So...I'm working on this friends. Little by little. The truth is, I'm well OVER his going to China. Beyond finished with it. But...he still needs to go. About once a month. So, I strategize and pray. Strategize with ways to fill my time to occupy the family and me without doing too much or too little, and of course trying to build up appreciation for rather than resentment of Big during this time away from each other. Plan outings. Plan hobbies. Plan a sitter now and then. Pray for peace. At times, though, it's overwhelming.
So, I could belly ache and rhine (rant+whine) all day, but I want to do something a bit more constructive. Help! What do you do when you m.u.s.t. wear your big girl panties and it's a task that you loathe doing? Do you turn that loathe into like? How do you avoid the pitfalls of resentment when your spouse does something that you wish he wouldn't do? How do you turn that frown upside down. I feel like Paul's description in Romans--I know what I need to do, and still fall short. I spin my wheels at times, and that doesn't help anyone. Yes, I pray. Yes, I read the Word. But, when I'm in "the waiting", I still have to live life. How do you cope with this?
Or am I nuts?
I thought so.
For some reason, Blogger is not allowing me to make paragraphs, so you'll just have to cope with everythingrunningtogethersotospeak.
Soli Deo Gloria!
9 comments:
Oh, it is hard when they are away isn't it? I can barely handle one night. When he leaves for two, I feel completely lost. I'll pray for you.
Oh, I have that problem with Blogger all the time.
I don't know what else you do because I typically do the rant and whine thing too, but I will say a prayer for you.
My husband keeps very busy with work and volunteer things and up until he got his new job he travelled a lot too. He even went to China himself this past February and he just got back today from a week at boy scout camp in Colorado where I had very little contact with him.
Hoping that having blog friends who pray and care for ya will be of some comfort...or maybe some other brilliant soul will have something more constructive to say that will help. :)
Sending you great big hugs, and many prayers my friend.
Oh, Chica...I hear ya. Ten years ago, Jeff took a yearlong hiatus from teaching, and worked in Trucking as a frieght supervisor at a busy hub. He worked one week on, one week off for. a. full. year. It was grueling. He would work from dawn till after dark all week long (12-14 hour shifts), but then get a full week off. I HATED his weeks at work because even though he'd come home at night, he went straight to bed, utterly exhausted, especially in the hot weather months when his workplace was like an oven. I truly felt like a single parent during those weeks, so I kind of know the feeling. I remember many, many lonely dinners. Days of very little communication.
Like you, I spent a lot of time praying and just trusting that the Lord would carry us through.
It was amazing how the Lord has used some of the connections we made during those years with some of his coworkers. A lot of folks that had very little exposure to the things of the Lord before were exposed to it during that time. Jeff actually earned the nickname "Ned Flanders" (from The Simpsons) around there because of it, lol.
Oy, but did I whine...plenty, believe me. HOwever, that was also a huge spiritual growth spurt in each of our lives. I kept very busy with Bible Study and Youth Group stuff at church, and was babysitting for my SIL's kids during the days. It was rough, but that full reliance on the Lord that it took to get us through victoriously...got us both to the places we needed to be spiritually for some other plans of the Lord to unfold in our lives later. It was all part of that narrow, (if uphill) winding road kind of journey we believers are on. (Mt. 7: 13-14)
For us, that season of our lives was like boot camp is to the Military...grueling and difficult then, but necessary to shape you up for the next step.
All I can say is to keep at it. Hang in there. Trust and obey. It could just be that the Lord is using this as a training ground preparing you all for the wonderful event of your hubby coming to know Jesus as you do. Could you imagine the impact he could have on his buisness trips if he was walking with the Lord? Just the flights there and back...not to mention folks he meets with while he's there. We just never know the plans the Lord has in store. ;)
Gretchen, you do a fab job of holding down the fort in his absence. It's hard now...but as they say, we have to endure the valleys and the uphill climb if we're to enjoy the view from the peak. The Lord desires that we trust Him and remain faithful even when we can't 'see' the results, and I applaud you for doing all you are able to do both while he's gone and especially carrying the full weight of the 'yoke' spiritually speaking. Gretchen, because of your faithfulness to the call of God on your life, I have no doubt that there are fruits being borne of this season of your life...some seen, some that will knock your socks off. Keep on keeping on! I'll be praying for ya! ((hugs))
Rhine! I love it. :)
My hubby travels very occasionally, and usually not for more than 4 or 5 days at a time. I hate it. I really do. So I have no helpful advice, but I can commiserate with you. :) Helpful, huh?
I can not say I know what you are going through because when my husband travels it is usually for a week at a time. He is usually only gone every other month.
But I know when he is gone, God always brings to mind single parents. It is so hard being the full time parent for 5 days - how do they do and add a job to the mix?
When J. is gone I try to spend more time with God and find things I enjoy doing when the boys are asleep.
I will be praying for you and the kids while he is gone. I hope that you find things to do that you enjoy to help his time away go by fast.
Hugs my new friend. PRAYING!!
lizz and suzanne: it's comforting to know I'm not the only one in this situation. thanks for your prayers.
denise: you are such a warrior for me, my friend
becky: i could kiss you for your response and encouragment. you are a paul to me.
jackie: you're there for me. my spirits are already so lifted by my bloggy sistahs.
jenn: i was raised by a single mom; so in addition to some of this angst, i also feel a bit guilty for even complaining when i have no earthly idea what "single" really is. but i also know that everyone's situation is theirs alone, and so i try to let the guilt go. i have some single mom friends who say that even tho they don't love the single-handedness at times, they do enjoy the times when kids go to see their dads for the weekly custody arrangement. of course, i also just spent some time with a wonderful doll of a woman who happens to be a widow, so again...i "shouldn't" complain. but i know that this is my story--complete with my challenges, so i'm so blessed and heartened at your response and that of those above you in the comments.
love you all! gretchen
My husband travels occasionally, and I don't like it one bit, so I can't imagine what you're feeling when it's a constant part of your lives.
I'm sorry. I can and will be praying for you.
I can understand what you're saying completely....I know that when my husband and I have to be apart I pout like a five year old too...and part of me feels perfectly justified for it but then the other part of me feels guilty for making my husband feel bad. It's really a no win situation but I realize that it's up to me to change my attitude.
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