If it wasn't clear to be before, now it is. I get by with a little help from my friends. God has made me (and most women) wired to need and seek girlfriends, and I'm blessed beyond a doubt with such amazing women in my life, through whom God has shown me grace and truth. These women live in my computer and in my local region. And they are so precious to me. Over the last 9 months (can't believe it's been that short), Kellie has become a friend of mine. I've admired her blog and her outlook on life, and for whatever reason (grace), I felt that I could trust her with some pretty personal, intimate I-don't-like-to-go-there-but-I-must facts about myself and questions. So I emailed her. I wanted advice not only for myself, but for raising a daughter (and son, but my daughter was specifically on my heart). I touched on body image questions. Mostly, how to promote a positive body image in my dtr when I myself didn't have one. I also asked about the TRUE campaign, which I am now a part of. The return email was so precious that I hesitate to mention it here. Only because things that precious are tempting to keep to oneself. Except that Jesus is precious, and we're to share Him. And to me, her email was Jesus in skin. So here I am. Sharing. A lot of what she told me (and mentioned on her blog today) had to do with the book The Search for Significance, by Robert McGee.
Here's the thing (don't call me Kara): not-trying-to-sound-like-a-bad-B0b-Newhart-group-session...I've struggled so much with my weight for so long. Not just the extra 50 pounds that I've managed to put on over the years, but the extra 2 ton elephant, aka: Satan's lies, which I've allowed to weigh me down. Both bring me anxiety and shame and often propel me to a very dark place. And the thing is--I'm so very tired of that dark place. I want to live in the light. Not just for me, though that would be enough. But for the amazing gift of Jennifer Kate, who is 11 years old and needs her momma. Needs her now more than ever. To model her own significance, and to live in the truth that because of WHOSE she is, she is beautiful. Because of what He's done, she's got a hope and a future.
It's time to help protect my daughter against the lies of our culture about beauty and significance. Yes, this is important for boys, too. I get that. And I want to work through this book (or the Student edition) with both of my kids. But honestly, our culture and Satan's lies regarding our significance is decimating our little girls. So, I thank God for Kellie, who led me to this book. I am currently on the 2nd to last chapter, after starting it in mid-August. I'm typically a faster reader than that, but this book includes a workbook, which takes a little time and effort (from all that good Bible dipping :) ). It's also such a great book that I'm re-starting it with a friend because I couldn't not share it.
I've lived by Satan's lies for so long, I have some wounds that are pretty wide open each time I read a chapter. However, little by little The Great Physician is knitting me back together. There are times I'm tempted to think: 40 years old, and doesn't have her shit together yet. And then, I repent and allow my God to reign, rather than trying to reign in my life, and I get back on track. Track towards knowing my own significance. Knowing that I am beautiful. Knowing that I have a purpose under heaven. As I stand on the Truth of the Cross, I'm able to shove that sign in the ground that says, "It stops HERE!!!!". By His blood. The nonsense and lies that I've been believing and living by stop here.
As Paul states in Philippians 3:12, "12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."
I'm getting it. It's an uphill battle, and there are days when I feel battered and worn. But there is ALWAYS a soft spot for me to land. If I will just seek it.
I'm generally pretty slow on the musical bandwagon, so please forgive me if you've seen this, but I heard this song the other day and knew I had to have it for my daughter. And for me. I know it's available thru KLove and iTunes.
More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are
[chorus]
So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
[chorus]
12 comments:
First, your friendship is so precious to me...
Second, I wish I could tell you about every godly women in my life (thus far) who, when I needed it, has picked me up, dusted me off, hugged my neck, and pointed me back to Jesus...the Lord has used them to mold my life. I am humbled that God would use me in this way...humbled to the core...because I am certain there will be days in the future when I will need friends like you to pluck me from the pit, again.
Third, I am proud of you for pursuing, really chasing, the Lord. Its such an encouragement for me to continue in my own pursuit. How good it feels to know I don't walk alone...
Girl I could go on and on. But I won't. Thank you for sharing your heart...I'm praying for you as you keep TRUTH in your sight...You can pray for me too.
Love you.
Beautiful post, my friend. I so get it and understand.
That is a great book, by the way.
I will be praying... us moms got to stick together.
Gretchen, you know my similar struggle with a lot of this. And a big challenge for me is to deal with this in a healthy way - because I know that I do need to get my weight under control - but still not have it dominate my life in an unhealthy way -beacuse I know that it does NOT determine my worth. I so do not want to pass on a poor body image to my daughter. Love you for being so open and honest - your heart is beautiful. YOU are beautiful.
I hear you on this, Gretchen. TRULY hear you. I've been there. Sometimes still am there.
I DO know that there could never be a more beautiful YOU....you ARE a reflection of HIM after all.
Hugs to you, my friend.
Tears, friend. Such a beautiful post on a day that I needed an encouragement.
Love you so so much.
This touched my heart beautiful friend, I love you.
Beautiful words. I'm so glad that you chose to share your heart with us today....
I get it. OH how I get it. Thank you for the encouragement.
Oh, how I appreciate your honesty and transparency. And I love your dedication and commitment to being the woman God has made you to be. And I love that it's important to you to get this thing right so that you can model for your girl what a Godly woman looks like.
You're doing tough work, friend. Sometimes it's hard and painful to let the Great Physician do His thing. But you're doing it. And He is making you into something so very beautiful.
So blessed to call you friend.
You've done it again, friend...managed to hit on the same sorts of things I'm wrestling with in my own life (though pertaining to sons and not a daughter). The resources you mentioned sound wonderful.
So glad to know I'm not walking this path alone. We ALL struggle with these things to some degree or another, probably because we all live in this fallen world where a vicious lion roars about seeking whom He may devour. As a result, some of us have a few more claw marks than others.
Which is why we must "Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power...putting on the full armor of God so that [we] can take [our] stand against the devil's schemes."
It's a tricky business...this old earth is filled with so.many.land mines. I personally believe the media is one of the biggest tools of the enemy in our age...trying to define for us what true beauty and worth is (and for young men, what true masculinity and manhood is) among other dangers...and it's all such a sham! (Oh, don't even get me started on the airbrushing and the plastic surgery that was necessary for some of these celebrity types to attain their success!)
It's so sad. As a youth leader and wife to a teacher (from whom I hear such sad stories at times) I mourn for young women and young men who were at one time dear, sweet little ones... who end up (either by choice or because of external circumstances pertaining to life in a fallen world) buying into the lies of the enemy hook, like and sinker...and the terrible broad road that leads to destruction they so often end up on as a result.
Because they hadn't 'bloomed' on their naturally appointed timetable...(that beautiful bloom of young girls that blossom into young women, or young boys that suddenly sprout into young men)... they opt to rush into it and end up growing up too fast, bypassing so many important lessons in life that might have saved them a lot of heartache later on. I believe the Song of Solomon refers to this as "awaking love before it so desires".
Very often these young people end up cycling through one bad relationship after another, having been gypped out of their childhoods or learned many of the lessons they might have otherwise taken to heart.
Our grandma's generation were big advocates for the wise old saying, "Beauty is as beauty does"...which mirrors the very Biblical advice of 1 Peter 3:3-5 for young women. I've seen countless 'beautifully adorned' (outwardly) but hateful, shallow or otherwise unpleasant young women on one end of the spectrum. Then you have the average looking young women who, by very nature of their gentle spirit and purity are truly some of the most beautiful women I've known in life.
Likewise, some of the noblest, Godliest gentlemen I've known in my life were 'average' joes who were some of the most respected and well-liked men I have known.
All that to say, dear friend, that your daughter and son are SO BLESSED to have a mom who recognizes such needs in their lives and seeks to minister to and guide them in the best way possible in these areas.
Like those faithful words of Proverbs 3:5&6 say,
You are trusting in the Lord with all your heart, leaning not on your own understanding...and by acknowledging the Lord in all your ways, He's going to make your path straight.
((Hugs)) P.S. Love that song.
girl, thank you for sharing. because, seriously...
I feel like I grow up a little bit every time I read your words.
your friendship is a gift.
a true, true, true gift.
I love that song. I caught Whimzie's post and Kellie's comment a while back as I have been making my way through catching up on my blog reading. this theme seems to keep coming up. I guess I should listen up.
Hi Gretchen, what a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart. I love that song and have shared it with many of my friends who have daughters. I have missed reading your posts - it is fun visiting your thoughts today.
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