Convicted.

I went to dinner last week with a couple of my closest girlfriends. One, I see nearly every week because she lives closest to me. The other, I see perhaps quarterly. We had a lovely time. A lovely time despite me walking on my lips and tongue. Oh, the pain. The swelling is nearly down now, thanks to Divine Intervention...

Backing up...

I'm doing my devotional this morning. Actually, it's not really a devotional; I've just challenged myself to actually read the entire Bible from cover to cover. Novel idea for a Christian, isn't it? Ashamed to say that I've never done this before. But, it's never too late, right? I mean, I've read bits and pieces of the OT and NT, but never the whole kit-n-caboodle, so-to-speak. I'm proud to say that my convicted heart came from something.I'd.read.in.the.Bible. Wow...it really is a living, breathing book. Now, I know...some of you are saying, "Duh...", but I apparently need convincing of this fact on a daily basis.

Anyhoo, back to dinner. We had such a great time. I don't think we even ordered our drinks for at least 20 minutes after sitting down. Talk, talk, talk. Laughter. Fun. And then...chatting about my friend's sadness/angst/frustration/worry/disappointment about not being able to get pregnant this past year. She has an amazing son from her first marriage, but he was the only gift from that union, and God has given her a wonderful husband with whom she's now married. Now we are all believers at this table, but this particular friend is the most mature of us all in terms of knowing the Lord for most of her life. Knowing Him. Reflecting Him. Serving Him. Seeking Him. But still...as much as she trusts the Lord, she's been in a desert with regards to the whole pregnancy thing.

You know what I did, don't you? I started talking without fully thinking. To the untrained listener, I was encouraging and wise and coming up with possible "reasons" for the valley. "Maybe God is allowing this..." Because me and God are like.this. and He communicates all of His plans to me before He executes them.

Right.

Well, fortunately, He was with me because I tried to clarify and apologize at the moment, but the apology was lost in our salads coming to the table and other topics of conversation. Sigh. And you should know that this friend was beyond gracious because of who she is and because hopefully, she could see my heart.

Friends, I was no better than Job's friends, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. If you're not familiar with the story, these 3 friends were good friends. They fasted and grieved with Job, but each one tried to reason away his pain and suffering. I sympathized with this dear friend so very much that I tried to fix things that only God can fix with my hollow words. What I should have said was, "I'm sorry. I'll pray for you."

And that's how I confessed and apologized to Him and to her.

Dear Jesus,
Thank You for Your powerful Word, which is everlasting, yet as dynamic as the ages. I am pierced and convicted, but have so much hope in You. Thank You for this friendship. Thank You for having control over this world. Forgive my narcissistic controlling tendencies, Father, I pray. Help me to serve, to honor, to glorify You. Help me to listen well and to trust in You. In Jesus' name. Amen.