Preparing for Easter

I sorta have the Easter blues this year.  I've always enjoyed decorating in pastels, putting out my egg cup collection (from Grum), planning a meal and/or Easter egg hunt to share, and...obviously...going to church to celebrate.  I've only really loved the Jesus part of Easter (yeah, I know...He's the only part, but y'all know we do a bunch of egg eating and bunny watching in our culture) for about ten years.  And.I.love.it.  With a passion.  Not His passion, of course, but with my own. 

I need to pray to bind my thoughts, though, because, unlike Christmas, where EVERYBODY celebrates and prepares, Easter, is sort of a poor step-child.  I mean, my girlfriend doesn't even have time for an Easter celebration because her children have baseball games.  Evidently, this is not unusual--at least in our part of the country.  It's EASTER which brings the good news of the resurrection.  Easter which proves what Jesus said is true!  It's every BIT as important as Christmas, but not in our city/culture (what with the spring sphere hunts going on in town), and certainly, not in my family.

Actually, it was after an Easter service, several years ago, that my husband turned to me and said, "I just can't go there.  I don't believe in the Trinity.  I don't believe that He was immaculately conceived.  I just don't buy it."  I had been so elated that he went to church with me, and now...what a blow. 

And so this week...I feel the weight of my unequal yokedom pressing upon me.  I feel lonely as I prepare for Sunday.  I also feel a bit burdened because though I can't be dishonest with my feelings, I can't be a sad-sack, either.  That wouldn't honor my husband, nor would it honor the God I profess to love so much.  I want so much for him to go, and to be touched.  And I've cried out to God numerous times to make it so.  I've tried to live as the Spirit leads, and to love by His example.  And I guess, my "little" faith is showing, because I'm tired.  I'm tired of being the spiritual leader of our family.  I'm tired of telling my son that he doesn't have the option (the one his dad takes) of skipping church, because if he does, he's not being obedient to the Jesus he says he believes in and says he loves.  Thank goodness my daughter loves going to church. At least I don't feel like I'm tugging her along. 

Okay...well, I got that out.  The tears are drying.  The prayers are going up.  I'm choosing His yoke and burdens over my own.  So many people have terrible marriages.  Not so with me.  My marriage is great.  My husband is a loving, fair, well-providing, gentle man.  And I do believe that God has worked through him many times.  I think this may be a test of my faith and obedience.  And so I keep running the race set out before me...praying for his heart to open and the scales to fall from his eyes.  And thanking my merciful, heavenly, mighty Jesus.

Happy Passion Week, everyone.  I've got to get ready.