Thinky McThinkerson

Seems like God's been placing me in these odd/hard/good situations, lately.  I can't make entire sense of what He's doing, but it seems like I'm in the midst of some amazing illustrations of living life to the fullest, not inspite of the hurt, and inevitable pain which life includes, but living a life to the fullest, whilst embracing the hurt, because hurt is part of life here on earth. And...He's showing me (again) that everyone deserves my best and my compassion; for I don't know what the invisible sign around their neck says.

Yesterday, I learned that my fitness instructor has Stage 4 (metastatic) cancer.  She essentially just came out and told me this in the middle of my session, b/c my fellow instructee had just had a mole removed and needed to be careful in how she exercised. 

The instructor just looked me in the eye, and told me with a flick of the wrist..."see, they can't really...it's all over my...All I have is time."  Then, tears held back, (hers and mine) she told me to get back to work. 

The other day, I went to a presentation called "Rachel's Challenge", at my daughter's school.  Rachel Joy Scott was the first of the shooting victims killed on April 20th, 1999 at Columbine High School, in Littleton, CO.  The events of Columbine have a special, tragic place in my heart because I lived only 17 miles from where the massacre occurred, and have several friends whose children lost friends in the most unimaginable way, possible--and went to far too many funerals.  It's one of those "I remember what I was doing" events.  For me, I had just come out of the Castle Rock, CO post office, and had just buckled my daughter into the car.  I believe her brother was in preschool.  As soon as I turned on the ignition and the radio came on, I sat in a moment of both disbelief, fear, and devastation, as I listened to the events unfold.  For the next month, Columbine was a lead story in our local news. 

Nobody came out and said this in the presentation, but it's clear to me that Rachel was a believer.  A prophetess, actually.  God's fingerprints are all over her story.  She knew and was at peace with the fact that she would die early.  And she exhorted her fellow classmates to start a chain reaction of kindness, noting, that if just one person went out of his way to show kindness, others would follow.  Her essay is one page long, and it's worth reading.  Click here if interested. 

I started this post last night, and didn't really know how to digest all that I was feeling.  I suppose, learning that my fitness instructor not only knew she had stage IV cancer, but how she almost casually told me about it put me in a bit of a shock and tailspin.  What do you say to that?  Here's a woman who did marathons and triathalons and has the body of a woman 30 years her junior.  But for a little mole that went awry.  I wanted to ask if she knew Jesus.  But...though I wasn't as Peter as Peter was, and didn't deny my faith three times before the rooster crowed, I didn't jump up and ask her about hers.  Would that have been appropriate?  I don't know.  She was trying to maintain such normalcy that i wanted to honor her wishes, as well.  But maybe when we're near the end of our lives, there's no time for normalcy.  I did tell her I would pray for her.  I listened, at the end of my session, to her story of frustration at how slowly her treatment program was coming together.  How frustrating to be handed such a diagnosis, only to feel as if the wheels of medical and insurance bureaucracy are grinding to a halt, and that really, your cancer is your problem.  I'm sure her time on earth is ticking by nearly audibly in her ears.  As I was leaving, I simply looked her in the eye, and hugged her and asked God to bless her.  I wasn't going to sign up for another session of Pilates.  But I did.  I'll be there as long as she is. 

Thinking back to the Rachel's Challenge presentation.  I realize that these are two unrelated events.  But God has burdened me with their common thread.  I'm still noodling, but here's my take home message for now:  Our days on earth are numbered.  And they're written in His book of life.  Thank God for Heaven, for it is really the life I want to value most and upon which I fix my eyes.  However, God has me (us) here for a reason, or I'd have never been born.  I want my legacy to be that of kindness, compassion, and encouragement.  These events were firm reminders that it's never too soon to act like Jesus in skin.  I have no idea when God will take me home--I need to live everyday, normal life like I was dying (thank you,Tim McGraw).  Time to lead off each day centered in God's grace and will, with kindness, compassion, and encouragement on my lips, thoughts, and behavior. 

No excuses.