It's logical, really.

Today, I told my son I loved him.  Not so unusual, really.  I mean, I say it nearly a majillion times a day, to both of my kids, and to all those whom I love.  Unlike some words which tend to lose their meaning the more and more we say them, I truly think telling someone you love them is never one time too many.  (If you're not a creeper or stalker, that is.).  I think it's important--we never know when we've said our last "I love you."

When someone has a neurotypical difference, such as Aspergers, s/he may have a high level working knowledge of language, and great language skills--to a point.  However, s/he may use language in a quirky manner, sometimes missing meta-linguistic cues (e.g. language things that we just know and don't think about, like tone of voice, inflection the meaning behind the meaning, etc.).  Sarcasm is a big no-no, usually (I swear, I'm trying to quit.), because folks with this type of wiring may miss out on the change or lack of prosody (how the words sound).  And, they are logical, logical, logical.  Seriously.

John Elder Robison, a person with Asperger's coins the term, nypical, in his marvelous memoir/training manual, Be Different:  My Adventures with Asperger's and My Advice for Fellow Aspergians, Misfits, Families, and Teachers.  Nypical (pronounced like "typical") is his word for those folks who are neurologically typical.  See the creative, yet logical word blend, there?  This blend saves time and 5 typed characters, to be exact.  Now I fancy myself a lover of words.  Love their sounds, love to write, love to speak, love it all.  Even love blending new words together, myself.  However, as my logic-er is broken, my bent is more fun/creative, rather than logical/creative.

Back to this morning.  I'm the more nypical of the two of us (if I had to choose), and he's the more Aspergian of the two of us.

I told him I loved him.  And he just gave me a flatly intoned, "Mmmhmm."

Normally, this type of response would chafe me, because I often sometimes overreact, and am too  slightly sensitive.  I also am generally in mom-correct mode.  I might ask him if he heard me, or whether he knew that his response made no sense.  An aside:  Yes, friends.  I do realize that he IS 16, and grunting responses and general feedback is, well, TYPICAL, for the age. :)  But back to my story.

Ready for my leetle epiphany?

Today, I didn't correct him.

I took the "Mmmhmm", and gave thanks for it an for him.  For once, instead of trying to change the way he responds to help him fit into this broken, marginalizing world, I paused.  While he usually gives a reflexive and meaningful, "I love you, too.", the fact that he didn't probably meant that he was fin.  Oh what balm to this oft-worrying mama's heart.   Logically, he knows that I love him.    While he rests in that logical space, there's no need for him to reciprocate my words--rather just to receive and affirm.  

I love you, Son.

Mmmhmm.